- You did wrong!
- You made a mistake!
- Your thoughts are crazy!
- Nope, it was his fault.
- No, it was the economy.
- No way, you just don’t have the right data.
True, we all heard stuff like that and all reacted the same way. We need to prove that, at least at first, we haven’t done wrong. Much easier on our brain.
Most of you, of us will keep doing that during our whole life. Not that difficult as most of us will accept this rule. Sort of every one stops at the green light and drives during red.
So, what’s the big deal? Why not stay in that comfy state? Why try to get out of the “False Innocence” Black Hole?
Well many people, most, feel very, very well in that black hole. But your brain deserves more.
Why am writing about this? Well, recently, I started learning horse riding. And learned a great lesson. The horse is a partner with whom you work to reach a given result. The main advantage with this partner is that she will mainly do as you taught it or as it was taught to do. The first reaction a horse rider at junior level, like me, will have when something goes wrong is: “what is wrong with this horse! Come on move!”.
In fact, when you are horse riding most of the time the problem comes from you. Very humbling experience. You must learn to accept that you aren’t innocent! You can’t keep diving into the “False Innocence” Black Hole as it will all go wrong and the horse will get confused.
The problem when you aren’t riding a horse but try to have a relationship (work, personal) with a human being is that there is a big chance you are face to face (I hope you don’t sit on the back of the people you are with). As such the brain in front of you is running a permanent facial analysis to catch all your micro-expressions.
Very often nothing will be said, but in that brain a little flag will be raised: “fake”! And here goes your reputation. Or here comes the new one “wind blower”! Without you knowing it your “False Innocence” Black Hole is closing itself around you.
Being ready to admit that you didn’t know, or did wrong is hard but creates surprisingly more trust.
During one of our trainings we didn’t have a specific information to reply to a question. We admitted it and said we would do the research to get that info to the person. One of the best feedback comments we got at the of the workshop was “You are the only consultants/trainers I have seen who dared to admit you didn’t know. Thanks!”
Accepting to be wrong is hard but brings quite a lot of positive feedback to your brain, because you are true to yourself.
This is the way to get out of the “False Innocence Black Hole.[:]